“The idea of the special relationship is the idea that there is one person that is going to save us and make everything alright. But rather than looking for this one person that is going to save you—you have a love affair with the universe, and you realize that your love of any one person really isn’t about that person—your love is really about what’s inside of you. It’s all about work on you.” —Williamson
I don’t know about you, but it’s only a few days into this retrograde and I’ve managed to commit every relationship suicide move possible. Venus is now offering us heaps of wisdom about the dire necessity of radical forgiveness, self-love and valuing ourselves and others. She is also giving us the chance to repair relationships from the past or present. Expect to revisit previous relationship ground where there is still unfinished karmic business.
Since Venus is in the studious sign of Gemini: we are all eager students to learn everything we can about relationships at this time. Ultimately, we are all really just working on relationship to Self as Jung pointed out. It’s all about the the sacred marriage now: i.e.: the Hieros Gamos/Conunctio/Inner Union of the Opposites—the essence of the Gemini archetype.
Yes I was born under a Venus Retrograde, thank you very much. I can definitely relate to the “ugly duckling” syndrome that this phase triggers. I grew up terrified of mirrors and was instantly traumatized whenever I accidentally caught my reflection. It didn’t help that I was the shortest and tiniest person in my class and constantly ridiculed for my size. I never had a moment of feeling even remotely attractive until I started dating and fell in love with a rock star at age sixteen. Herein is where all of the trouble began. I encountered the first Venus mirror that said “you are beautiful”—but it was outside, contingent on the love, desire and affection of said rock star. I share this because we all have a close rendition somewhere in our past. Obviously there are even earlier roots, but you get the gist of how these Venus stories play out. We look for the proof of our worth in the eyes, compliments or embrace of another. This “other” of course has to be someone we have deemed beautiful for the reflection to work. This is why we go desperately in search of our next romantic relationship until we realize we’re really just trying to fall in love with ourselves.
Why is it such a struggle to see our own beauty without external reflection and validation? If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear …. The modern version is a world obsessed with camera phones, uploads, and “like” buttons. The truth is because we often did not feel seen or heard as a child.
I would just ask each of you to think about that for a minute and ask yourself who was able to hold presence for you as a child. Who saw you? Who heard you? Did you have a teacher that could hold presence for you? Was there anyone where you could be totally yourself ?-Woodman
What meaning does life have without love?
What meaning does it have if nobody has ever seen you?
These early scars linger and no matter how clever we’ve become at denying that they exist, they are just waiting for the next experience of loss or rejection to rear their pretty head.
Sure we can try covering up the hollow with more work, food, sex, alcohol, infatuation, drugs, Internet etc. But the wounds will just continue to swap addictions until we get to the heart of the insecurity and original vacancy. Venus Rx to the rescue. Abandonment or Rejection complex anyone? We’ve all got ‘em regardless of money, fame, success etc. Get ready to bed down with your very own over the next few weeks, even if only in disturbing dreams. At the heart of our deepest insecurity is death. We were born alone and we will die alone. You know, that nagging “is that all there is” feeling that haunts you in the dark, cold of the night—that’s the hardcore truth of our existential anxiety.
The reason we’re brought into relationships is for mutual forgiveness.
A lot of people think that what’s supposed to happen in romance is that nobody does anything wrong. When somebody does step out of line—it’s usually the other person’s excuse to go away. And in the holy relationship—(special relationship transformed): we recognize that we were brought together so our stuff could come up. That’s why it is happening. The fact that this person drives me crazy is why we were brought together and it’s not always going to be easy. If you’re stuff is brought up and it is forgiven by someone, that’s how you’re healed.
It’s challenging in this extroverted world to not turn to outer mirrors in order to feel gorgeous, irresistible, desirable, wanted. How much of our value hinges on external applause, reassurance and acceptance—often through our most intimate relationships? But if these relationships are simply a mirror of how we feel about ourselves, perhaps it’s time to look within and think again. Where are we still hiding from ourselves? Where do we fail to forgive ourselves?
Whether we realize it or not: we constantly create an unconscious projection field that others conveniently step into in order to perfectly reenact scenes and reincarnate figures from our past. We are constantly living out our unconscious expectations and fears under the delusion that something is “happening” or not “happening” to us from the outside. This is specifically the kind of psychological fodder that the darling Venus Retrograde insists on dredging up. If we’re willing to let go and realize relationships are the place where we all tend to be the most neurotic, there is a very good chance we will uncover some profound insights about the way we connect and disconnect to ourselves and others over the next 40 days.
Some Gems from Marianne Williamson on Holy (Whole) Relationships vs. The “Special” Relationship or Relationship Myth:
When you give your relationship to God:
every inauthentic place within you, every trip, every hidden agenda, everything that’s controlling, everything that’s manipulative; any place where you try to play small; any place where you try to get rather than give; or any place where you play weak and powerless will be shown you in three-dimensional neon.
Some of the best relationships are where you’re going: “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this” and the gods are up there going: “Oh, this is really good.”
Relationships are here to bring everything up. Growth is like this. Growth is messy. If there’s a place in you that could get angry, the relationship is there to bring it up. See it’s easy to be forgiving if you’re not pissed off—it’s easy to be forgiving if they’re not doing anything you don’t like. Forgiveness is about someone confronting you in an area where you don’t like the confrontation.
From an automatic writing meditation with my Guru:
Me: Amma, what about this Venus Retrograde all about?
Amma: It’s about learning to cope with the problems inherent in relationships instead of running from them.
Our mind is restless because wherever we go, we find fault and look for defects in others. — Amma
Speaking of inner work: this is an excellent time to embark on a Project 40 experiment or other act of self love. Since Venus usually retrogrades for about 40 days (this time 43 days) it seems intuitive to harness the power of this mystical number. Venus Retrogrades have a way of evoking deep inner reflection and self-love if we apply ourselves to the work. This does not mean we should necessarily hole up and avoid intimate relationships until Venus goes direct. If we can use our intimate interactions as a source of deeper exploration in communication and introspection, there is a tremendous opportunity for wisdom and maturity in the realm of relationships.