Finally, sociological edification! Some smart people have gone and done a study about why turning thirty sucks. Apparently, “Becoming an adult takes longer today than in previous decades, with many not achieving all the traditional markers — starting a career, forming a new household, starting a family — until after age 30, according to a study by the Network on Transitions to Adulthood.”

Like we told you, it’s not just the stars. The Saturn Return has deeper implications for us “postmodern postadolescents”, according to sociologist Kay Hymowitz.

Back in the day, Saturn Returns inspired the sort of quiet, passive suffering exhibited by such talented lovelies as poet-genius Sylvia Plath. Rather than fight for her life, she finally gave up and killed herself, effectively eliminating any opportunity for her to survive her Saturn Return.

Interestingly, in the film version of Plath’s life, Gwyneth Paltrow played the leading role whilst she was in her actual Saturn Return. And even more disconcerting, Paltrow’s father died on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, while in Rome to celebrate with his daughter. Creepy, creepy. One more note — Paltrow, having worked her butt off making this movie during her Saturn Return (in Cancer, sign of motherhood) has been rewarded with an adorable rock star husband and a (thus far) healthy pregnancy.

Check it. Plath knew from Saturn (We don’t call him Big Daddy Saturn for nothing.)

From Daddy

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.